Well it’s that glorious time of the year… with fresh memories of high school graduation firmly planted in your head, and your eyes turned toward the horizon, college begins in just a few short months. That’s right Toto, you’re not in Kansas anymore. Surely you’ve been thinking about the many ways that your life is about to change. But fear not, your trusty college tour guide (and resident bagel expert) Joey is here to offer some friendly advice for surviving, nay, thriving in college. So for your consideration, I offer 17 quick tips for making the most of your college years. Now keep in mind, these are largely based on my own personal experiences at Rice from 2000-2004, so feel free to discard or retain whatever you like. Besides, what do I know?
1. Try new things…
All right, we’re starting off with a box of chocolates with rich cliché centers (Does anyone watch Scrubs? No? Never mind…) But it’s cliché for a reason. Before I continue, let me give you a little of my background. I grew up in Carthage, TX, essentially a speed trap on Highway 59. As you can imagine, Carthage is quite small, and my childhood consisted mostly of white people, Dairy Queen, and Jesus. Living in Houston and attending Rice offered plenty of new things, whether I wanted them or not. College is a time to learn about the world you live in, and there are many big and small ways to do that. Sometimes it’s as simple as taking a weird class. I took fencing during my first semester at Rice. That clearly didn’t lead anywhere, but it sure was fun to spend part of my day hitting the crap out of my classmates with a foil. During my senior year, I inadvertently took an upper-level geology course for fun, and soon I was spending Easter weekend camping in the freezing weather of northern New Mexico while looking at rocks. I don’t remember much about the rocks, but I had a blast on that trip. Another semester I took Latin for fun… As it turns out, Latin is not fun. Now I know.
Some people study abroad for a semester. Others join every club imaginable. Some people use their summer breaks to take an internship in their field of interest. I bet there are many things you enjoy doing that you don’t know about yet. That’s what college is all about. At the very least, you’ll develop a new hobby. And who knows, you may even discover something that shapes your career for decades to come.
And while you’re out there trying new things, make sure that applies to your friendships as well. If all your friends look exactly like you, then you’ve got a problem. Freshman year is a great time to break out of your shell and make friends with as many people as possible. Being new on campus gives you an excuse to be bold. So do it. Some folks will still behave like they’re in high school, and all those people can band together and revisit their adolescence as a group. You would do well to expand your circle. Don’t limit yourself to one clique. Spend time with many types of people. Colleges try hard to create diversity in their student body, so take advantage of it.
2. … But don’t get into trouble.
Try new things, yes, but you need to draw a line at some point. And don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. We’re talking, of course, about the unholy triad of drugs, sex, and rock and roll. If you’ve never had to make decisions about these subjects, let me illustrate for you how quickly you’ll be making those decisions. During my first week of class at Rice, I returned to my dorm one afternoon after class and noticed a strange smell in the hallway. As I approached my room, the smell seemed to grow stronger. Our room was located across from the kitchen, so I naturally assumed that someone had been baking something. Oh, there was some baking going on…
My roommate was equally confused when I asked him about the smell. Shortly thereafter, a mutual friend of ours entered and we quizzed her about that smell. She laughed for five minutes before telling us it was marijuana. Who knew? Someone was certainly “trying new things.” Days later, we opened our door to find a gaggle of drunk upperclassmen with some sort of fully stocked bar on wheels, loudly proclaiming it was freshman tequila night! They offered, and we politely declined. And that was just the first week.
Some of you have already made decisions about whether to get involved with drugs, alcohol and sex. Maybe some of you haven’t faced it yet. Regardless of where you go to college, those decisions are on the way. And yes, even the private Christian universities have to deal with this. As it turns out, humans aren’t that different, regardless of where they go to school. I’m not here to tell you what to do. You’re parents have been doing that for years, and they’ll continue to do that (sorry to break that news to you). You’ve grown up in this church and you know what is expected of you as a believer in Christ. But I’m not stupid. I see the little horns propping up that halo. So for those that choose to “try new things,” here’s a little advice. First, go out with people you know and trust. Look out for your friends, and have them look out for you. If enough alcohol is involved, you need someone to help you make wise decisions. And please, don’t drink and drive. Leave your car keys at home and take a cab, bus, light rail, whatever. Second, learn your limits. Lots of Christians enjoy drinking alcohol from time to time (once they’re of legal age!), but moderation is part of that decision. You’re an adult now (almost), and should you choose to drink, you must also find your own limits and abide by them. That’s your responsibility. Oh, and alcohol poisoning is not a myth. Third, don’t wait until the boat is about to capsize before you look for the life vest. Make decisions about your personal comfort zone before going out… that way you’re not making those decisions in the heat of the moment. How far are you willing to go with alcohol? How about sex? Draw those lines now. Tell your friends where you’ve drawn those lines. Ask them to warn you when they see you crossing over. If you wait to make those decisions, you’ll probably go much farther than you ever intended.
Now, having said all that, college does not have to be a Girls Gone Wild video. Some people choose to have that experience, but many more have a much less raucous experience. Many expect you to go crazy in college, because that’s just part of the college experience. I would like nothing more than for you to defy that expectation.
3. Some people expect you to check out of Christianity for the next four years.
Here’s a dirty little secret about college ministry… We don’t expect much out of you while you’re in college. Frankly, we’re amazed that you even show up for church. We remember how we were in college, sleeping late on Sundays but telling our parents otherwise. Let’s face it, it’s harder to get out of bed and go to church when mom and dad aren’t there to light a fire under your butt. And that’s just church… we’re not even talking about personal Bible study, prayer, tithing, using your spiritual gifts, evangelism and all the other trappings of the Christian life. This is another expectation that I hope you’ll defy.
Everyone’s spiritual journey looks different. For me, college was a time for explosive spiritual growth, unlike any I had ever known. For others, college is more of a speed bump on that journey. I would argue that you need a healthy relationship with Christ now more than ever. This is a great time to challenge what you believe, and find out why you believe what you believe. College campuses need passionate believers who will live out the message of Christ and challenge others to do the same. And frankly, college can be tough at times. Who better to guide you through those times? So try not to check out completely during college. We like to think of college as a time for self-discovery, but some of us take that to a selfish extreme. God is still God, and I bet He’d like to be part of that process.
4. You don’t have to figure out your entire life in four years.
It’s just too easy for me to make this point, because I was a pre-med in college (soon you’ll learn to hate us… we spoil the grading curve for everyone else). To be pre-med is to have your entire life planned out before you. Once you decide to become a doctor, it’s the same sequence of events that thousands before you have completed. Pre-req classes, MCAT, AMCAS, med school interviews, med school, USMLE step I, clinical rotations, residency interviews, USMLE step II, internship, USMLE step III, residency, fellowship (maybe), and then you’re done (and now in your thirties, buried in student loans). But I have plenty of friends that graduated from Rice, found an entry-level job for temporary work, and are still trying to decide what to do with their lives. And you know what? That’s OK. In fact, it’s becoming more common than those of us who had everything planned out from day one. And even for those that pursued very specific degrees, some of them eventually find work outside their college major.
Now I’m not discouraging you from searching your soul and trying to discern your career ambitions. That is an important part of college. But if you don’t find an answer before you graduate, don’t freak out. Most people graduate college around the age of 22 or 23… that’s awfully early to have everything figured out. Who knows what will happen to you in your 20s and 30s that might dramatically shift your career ambitions. Some of my med school classmates were in their late 30s and early 40s. For them, medicine was a second, or even third career. So while you might be pressured by your parents to commit early, just remember, you don’t have to figure out your entire life in four years.
5. Learn how to be part of a church.
But Joey, I’ve been going to church for years… What a stupid suggestion! All right, fair enough. But I bet you didn’t choose South Main. Your parents chose it for you. And maybe they forced you to sing in the choir, or go on a youth trip, or volunteer at KidQuest. Hopefully you found value in those activities, or initiated them on your own at some point. But if you’re like me, you didn’t always go along with it willingly.
Your South Main years have hopefully given you a great concept of church, and if your college years will be spent outside of Houston, it’s on you to find a new church home. Now you get to decide. Spend some time visiting lots of churches, from all 31 flavors of Christianity. Don’t just go where all the other students are going. Think about what you expect from a church and search accordingly. Pray about it. This is a great time to gather your own thoughts on worship and community. Once you decide on a church, learn how to be involved. If you don’t yet know your spiritual gifts, ask for some help in discerning those gifts. Be intentional about investing into the lives of those in your Sunday school class and larger church community. Find spiritual mentors in your new church home. In short, choose wisely and then invest.
And one quick word about college ministry… regardless of where you attend college, you are likely to encounter many campus ministry groups. These groups are great, and I was heavily invested in BSM during my college years. You really should consider being part of a campus ministry. But many students use these groups as a surrogate for local church involvement. I suppose you could argue that these campus groups are essentially functioning as small churches on their campuses, but your access to these groups will end when you graduate. Enjoy them while you can, but don’t forget to be part of a local church also. You can’t be in BSM forever…
6. Find a way to record your journey.
College is fun, and you’ll want to remember it. There are plenty of ways to do this. Some of you like to keep a journal. Some of you annoy your friends by taking pictures of every waking moment of your life (and theirs). Maybe your Facebook or MySpace or FaceSpace or whatever you’re using these days could serve as a concise record of your college years. I’ve mentioned this before, but my preferred method is a prayer journal. It’s pretty simple… you just write down your prayers. It’s nice to be able to look back at those prayers and get a glimpse of college life again. So find something that feels comfortable for you. You’ll want to remember this.
7. Don’t spend all your time with Christians.
Let’s face it. Christians are boring. Now I’m kidding, of course, but you still shouldn’t spend all your time with them. You need to be around people who don’t believe the same things you believe. First, it gives you a chance to share your faith. And second, it gives you a chance to defend your faith when confronted with tough questions. You need to be comfortable with these honest conversations, and you’ll never have them if you’re surrounding yourself with Christian clones. Additionally, these relationships will be a way for you to put a human face to other religions. There is tremendous value in these friendships for all these reasons, and also because, as you know, God loves every single one of us, and there’s no one that isn’t worth your time.
8. Practice being an adult.
College is a time of transition. Are you still a teenager? Are you an adult now? There’s no point in arguing over it… you’re clearly on the road to adulthood, and it’s time to start acting like it. The nice thing about college is you still have a safety net underneath you while you start learning how to fly. You’ll still be relying on your parents for certain things ($$$$$$$$$$), but also making some decisions on your own now. Use this time to develop self-discipline. Learn how to organize the elements of your life. Stick to a schedule. Get a job. Learn how to make a budget. Someday you’ll have a career, spouse, children, a house, a mortgage, car payments, student loans, and many other grown-up responsibilities. Use this time wisely.
9. Take advantage of summer breaks and month-long holidays.
As someone who just joined the working world after four years of college and four years of medical school, I feel it is my duty to inform you that your future employers will not be giving you summers off and four to six weeks off for Christmas. Sad, but true. So I’m trying to give you a little perspective here. You’ll NEVER have time off like this again. Do something with it! Do not spend your entire summer sitting around in your underwear playing Halo all day. Take a road trip with your friends. Travel abroad. Get an internship for the summer. Get a job and make some money. Whatever you do, make the most of it.
10. You won’t remember or regret your college grades, so don’t obsess too much.
Am I telling you to slack off? Absolutely not. If you already know that you want to attend a top-tier medical or law school, or you’re shooting for some ultra-exclusive graduate program, or you’ll just die if you aren’t elected to Phi Beta Kappa, then you need to do well. But even then, you can only do your best. Put in your best effort and then walk away. Be patient with yourself in the beginning, as you adjust to the increased academic demands of college. It takes time to get a handle on what you’re doing. If you recognize that you’re in over your head, take advantage of whatever resources are available to you on campus. Find a study group or get a tutor. There is a happy medium between neglecting all your classes to the point of failure and obsessively tracking your GPA on a daily basis. Too much of the latter and you won’t enjoy college, but too much of the former and you won’t be in college for long.
11. Find someone to disciple you, and find others to disciple.
If you take nothing else away from this list, and I admit, that is a distinct possibility, at least remember this one thing. The single greatest thing you can do for yourself is to find someone more spiritually mature than you, and have that person disciple you. This can take many forms, so I won’t spend much time telling you how this should be done. As long as you find someone to invest in your spiritual well being, the rest will work itself out. I was discipled by the BSM director at Rice during every year of college. We met for one hour every week… sometimes we would have Bible study together. Sometimes we spent much of that time in prayer. Sometimes we would grab a cup of coffee and just chat. Sometimes it was serious and sometimes it wasn’t. In the beginning, I didn’t really get it. Now I miss it. Looking back, nothing had a more profound impact on my personal growth than that weekly discipleship. There are many things I loved about college, but nothing more than this. I don’t care if it’s a campus minister, a pastor at your new church home, an upperclassman, whatever. Find someone who is willing to walk alongside you during your journey. And once you’ve made some progress, make yourself available to other students in the same role. Discipling others will offer new challenges that spark spiritual growth for both of you.
You must do this. Seriously. Consider it a graduation requirement.
12. Along with a spiritual mentor, find a faculty mentor.
This is self-explanatory. Once you decide on a field of study, don’t be shy about approaching your favorite professor for advice, career opportunities, etc. Get to know your professors and let them get to know you. With all that tuition you’re paying, you might as well get your money’s worth.
13. Learn how you learn.
Anyone worried about those tough college courses? Some of you probably had some rigorous high school classes along the way, and as a result, you have some sense of what to expect in college. If you’re like me, your high school classes were no more difficult than chewing gum and walking at the same time. And if that’s the case, college will provide some new academic challenges.
I’m sure everyone has told you the same thing over and over again… GO TO CLASS!!! Well, that’s crap. You should definitely go to class in the beginning, and certainly if they’re taking attendance. But depending on how you learn, it might be better for you to spend your time elsewhere. For me, I learn much more from reading the material for myself and figuring it out on my own. Trying to sit still for an hour and listen to someone blather on and on about something does not work for me. Consequently, I did not attend many of my classes at Rice, where attendance was usually optional in my numerous science classes. (And by the way, I continued this method with great success in medical school.) I always started the semester by going to class, and once I had a handle on how the class was structured and what I was expected to learn, I decided whether I needed to attend that class everyday. Small classes that involve your participation in group discussions will obviously require your attendance. Large, lecture hall classes that are taught straight out of a textbook might not. It’s up to you. If you choose to skip though, don’t let yourself get behind. Where many of your high school classes had daily assignments, college classes often only have a few tests or papers during the semester, followed by a final exam. It’s extremely easy to get behind. Remember, you’re in charge here, but with great power comes great responsibility.
Give yourself some time to figure out the best way to study. Maybe you function best by attending all your classes and taking copious notes. Maybe you do better with a cup of coffee and headphones blaring while you read the textbook with highlighter in hand. Maybe you study better in a group. Maybe you study better late at night. Maybe you put everything on flash cards. Start with whatever you did in high school and make changes as needed. Be flexible and allow yourself some time to adjust. As long as you’re organized about it, you’ll do well.
14. Mental illness is real and treatable, so learn where to go for help.
I know this sounds way off topic, but let me offer some personal experience. During my freshman year, one of my friends revealed he was dealing with obsessive-compulsive disorder to my roommate and me. Over the course of several months, he became despondent and suicidal, asking other students for pills and threatening to jump from one of the buildings on campus. There were several nights when he stayed in our dorm room so we could keep an eye on him. When it became apparent that the situation was beyond our control, we sought help from the RAs. His parents picked him up the next day and he withdrew from school. In medical school, two students in a younger class committed suicide. I didn’t know either of them, and I’m not sure what they were dealing with in their personal lives, but certainly the stress of being in medical school did not help. College can get rough at times, and you or someone you know might need serious help. Learn what resources are available to you on campus, and know where you can go in an emergency. Whether it’s depression, anxiety, panic attacks, or substance abuse, you may encounter mental illness in yourself or your friends. I’m not trying to scare you. I just want you to be prepared.
15. Be self-aware, not self-involved.
As I’ve already mentioned, many people regard college as a time for self-discovery. I wouldn’t argue with that, but it’s easy to go too far. College is a great time for learning more about yourself and your plans for the future. That’s expected and allowed. But while you figure yourself out, don’t forget that the world keeps turning without you. Find ways to focus on other people… volunteer with kids in an after-school program, work at a local homeless shelter, get involved with missions at your church.
When it comes to working on you, always remember that the simple act of getting older doesn’t necessarily lead to wisdom and personal growth. Becoming Christ-like requires deliberation and thoughtfulness. Use your college years to identify specific weaknesses and character flaws that you want to change. Make an effort to be self-aware, but not self-involved.
16. Call your parents.
And now, I’ll share a story I like to call The DPS Story… I moved to Houston one week after high school graduation. Why so early? Well if you lived in Carthage, you’d know why! Actually, I was participating in a summer research program at M.D. Anderson, so I needed to move quickly. Once I was settled in my new home away from home, my parents got into the habit of calling me every night to check in. Remember, this was before cell phones became more abundant than actual people. One night my mother called while I was upstairs in a friend’s room watching a movie, which worried her somewhat, but she decided to try back the next day. She tried calling me again the following morning, but I was in the shower and didn’t hear the phone ring. Now she’s starting to worry. She waited until after 8am and called the lab where I was working, but that morning I had a lecture from 8-9 and had not arrived yet. So now, from her perspective, her little boy was not home last night or this morning, and he hasn’t shown up for work. She has now reached the point of no return, and immediately begins making frantic phone calls to the various administrators overseeing my summer program. She also starts packing a bag to make an emergency trip to Houston. Then she calls DPS and asks them to send a patrol car to search the parking garage where I keep my car (she didn’t share this particular detail with me until years later). Around 9am, I show up at my lab and one of the lab techs tells me she got a strange phone call from my mother, who sounded very upset over the phone. Well now I start to think that something terrible has happened, so I pick up the phone and call our house. As soon as I said hello, she burst into tears and continued sobbing uncontrollably for several minutes. She wouldn’t tell me what was going on, so I start to think that someone has died. Eventually she regains her composure and tells me about her grand delusions.
Moral of the story? Decide how and when you are going to communicate with your parents so they know what to expect. Whether it’s phone calls, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, email, text messages, AIM, telegraphs, carrier pigeons, or smoke signals, figure out something beforehand. The last thing you want is DPS looking for your car.
17. Come visit us on Sunday morning when you’re back in town.
Never forget that you have many people at South Main who are excited to see you grow during your college years, and we’re thinking about you and praying for you. Keep in touch!
